Why People Still Don't Trust Colton Underwood: A Therapist's Perspective

Recently, Colton Underwood found himself back in the headlines after discussing his sex life before coming out. During a podcast appearance, he shared that he sometimes sought out encounters with married men while still living in secrecy. The clip quickly spread online and reignited a conversation that seems to follow him wherever he goes. Not necessarily about sex or about being gay. But about trust.

I recently shared a brief reaction to the interview on Instagram, where the conversation quickly expanded beyond Colton himself and into larger questions about authenticity and trust.

Years after coming out, Colton remains a surprisingly polarizing figure. Some people view him as someone who finally found the courage to live authentically after years of hiding. Others remain skeptical, questioning whether the version of Colton they see today is any more authentic than the version they saw before.

As a therapist who works primarily with gay men, I think the ongoing fascination with Colton Underwood has less to do with his sexuality than it does with something far more universal: how trust is lost, how it's rebuilt, and why authenticity alone isn't always enough.

To be clear, I don't know Colton personally, nor am I attempting to diagnose him. This is simply my perspective on why his story continues to generate such strong reactions.

The Ultimate False Self

Most closeted people aren't trying to deceive anyone. They're trying to survive.

But Colton's situation was different from the average person's.

He didn't simply keep his sexuality private. He built an entire public identity around being the ideal straight man. He became a professional athlete. He became a reality television star. Eventually, he became The Bachelor—the literal embodiment of heterosexual romance for millions of viewers.

Whether consciously or unconsciously, he created a version of himself that fit cultural expectations of masculinity and heterosexuality.

Psychologically, we might think of this as a false self: an identity that helps us gain acceptance while keeping our more vulnerable parts hidden from view.

The problem with a false self is that once people discover it wasn't entirely genuine, they begin questioning everything surrounding it.

What was real? What wasn't? What should they believe now? Those questions don't disappear simply because someone tells the truth later.

Why Colton Underwood Still Struggles to Earn People's Trust

Many people assume that coming out should automatically restore trust. I don't think trust works that way. Coming out is an act of honesty. Trust is something different.

Trust develops when honesty is sustained over time. When someone reveals that a significant part of their public identity wasn't authentic, people naturally become cautious. They start revisiting old assumptions and reevaluating what they thought they knew.

This isn't unique to celebrities. It happens in relationships every day. When someone discovers that a partner has been hiding something important, the revelation itself doesn't repair the relationship. In many cases, it's simply the first step in a much longer process. Authenticity begins trust repair. Consistency is what completes it.

The Perfect Gay Problem

This is where I think the conversation becomes especially interesting. Many people expected that after coming out, Colton would become more relatable, more complicated, and perhaps more visibly human. Instead, his public image quickly became polished once again.

Today he appears successful, attractive, married, and settled. He has a beautiful family and a social media presence that often looks just as aspirational as the life he presented before.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of that. But it creates an interesting psychological dilemma. For some observers, it feels as though Colton went from being the perfect straight man to being the perfect gay man. The transition happened so smoothly that it left certain people wondering whether they're seeing authenticity or simply a new version of the performance.

I don't think most critics are consciously thinking about it this way. They aren't sitting around analyzing false-self psychology. What they feel is something simpler. They feel uncertain. And uncertainty often gets translated into distrust.

Why Imperfection Creates Credibility

One of the strange paradoxes of authenticity is that people often trust imperfection more than perfection. When someone admits confusion, acknowledges mistakes, or reveals contradictions, it tends to increase our sense that we're seeing the real person. Not because flaws are inherently admirable. Because they feel difficult to curate.

Perfection, on the other hand, can sometimes feel managed. The more polished an image becomes, the more likely people are to wonder what exists outside the frame. This doesn't mean Colton is being inauthentic. It simply helps explain why some people continue to feel skeptical years after his coming out. The issue may not be whether he's telling the truth today. The issue may be that people are still trying to figure out which version of him they can trust.

What Gay Men Can Learn From Colton's Story

I think there's a lesson here that extends far beyond Colton Underwood. Many gay men spend years becoming the person they think others will accept. Sometimes that identity revolves around achievement. Sometimes it's built around attractiveness, status, success, masculinity, or being the person who always seems to have it together.

The specifics are different from person to person, but the underlying fear is often remarkably similar: "If people really saw me, would they still want me?" Coming out doesn't automatically answer that question. In many ways, it simply exposes it.

The real challenge isn't admitting who you are--it's allowing yourself to be seen after you've admitted it. That means tolerating imperfection. It means letting people see the parts of you that don't fit neatly into a narrative. It means accepting that authenticity isn't another performance to perfect. People rarely connect with perfection. They connect with humanity.

And perhaps that's why Colton Underwood continues to generate such strong reactions. His story reminds us of a question many gay men are still wrestling with themselves: How do you know when you're finally being real?

If you're a gay man struggling with authenticity, relationships, or building a life that feels genuinely your own, these are topics I explore regularly through my writing, videos, and clinical work. You can learn more about working with me here.