You Don't Have to Stay Stuck.
You may feel stuck in patterns around sex.
​
Many gay men struggle with:
-
compulsive porn use
-
repeated hookup cycles
-
validation-seeking behavior
​
Even when these patterns conflict with your values.
​
This isn’t simply about willpower.
​
Often, these behaviors develop as ways to cope with loneliness, stress, shame, or the need for connection.
Compulsive Behaviors
Compulsive sexual behavior is rarely just about sex.
​
It often connects to:
-
emotional regulation
-
belonging
-
identity
-
stress relief
​
For many gay men, these patterns are reinforced by:
-
apps
-
porn
-
social pressure
-
internalized shame
Gay Men & Sex:
Many gay men navigate unspoken pressures around:
​
-
desirability
-
performance
-
belonging
​
These pressures can reinforce cycles of stimulation and self-worth tied to sex.
How Therapy Helps:
Therapy can support:
-
reducing compulsive patterns
-
rebuilding self-trust
-
strengthening intimacy
-
separating sex from escape
Watch Now:
Porn Use:
For some men, pornography becomes part of the same cycle of:
​
stimulation → relief → shame
​
Porn can function as:
-
escape
-
validation
-
regulation
​
Over time, this can shape expectations around intimacy and desire.
​
Therapy helps unpack how porn fits into emotional needs — without moral judgment.
I have developed my own method for treating the Gay Men.
If you'd like to hear more about how these patterns develop — particularly within the gay community — you’re welcome to watch this brief discussion.
​
In this video, I explore how validation, shame, and belonging can shape compulsive sexual patterns in gay men. And why gay men are often unfairly pathologized.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Is sex addiction a real diagnosis?
Some people find the term helpful, while others prefer language like “compulsive sexual behavior.” Therapy focuses less on labels and more on understanding patterns and how they impact your life.
​
How does porn use relate to compulsive sexual behavior?
For some men, pornography becomes part of the same cycle of stimulation, relief, and emotional regulation as other sexual behaviors. Therapy helps unpack how porn use fits into coping patterns without moral judgment.
Can therapy help even if I still feel drawn to these behaviors?
Yes. Many clients begin therapy while still feeling pulled toward the behaviors they want to change. Therapy often starts with understanding ambivalence rather than eliminating urges.
Do I need to stop watching porn or hooking up before starting?
No. You don’t need to stop anything in order to begin. Therapy can start wherever you are.
Is this work shame-based?
No. The goal of therapy is to reduce shame, not reinforce it.
Do these patterns overlap with chemsex?
They can. For some men, substances and sexual behavior become intertwined. If that’s relevant for you, this can be explored as part of the work.
​
What if I feel embarrassed talking about this?
That’s very common. Many clients initially feel hesitant discussing sexual patterns. Therapy moves at your pace.
Can these patterns change?
Yes. Many clients develop healthier relationships with desire, intimacy, and connection through therapy.
​
How do I get started?
You can begin with a brief consultation to see whether this work feels like a good fit.
We will work together.
You don’t have to decide today what change should look like.
​
You only need to decide whether you want to understand the pattern more clearly.
​
If you're ready to explore a different relationship with desire, connection, and self-trust, we can begin with a conversation.
