We all seek connection.
Many couples love each other — but keep repeating the same painful patterns.
Especially for gay men, relationships often carry layers of shame, identity pressure, and unspoken expectations that traditional couples therapy doesn’t always understand.
I specialize in working with gay male couples navigating communication breakdowns, intimacy struggles, and questions around openness, trust, and long-term compatibility.
I also work with all modern couples seeking deeper connection.
Most couples don’t come to therapy because they want to leave.
They come because:
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You keep having the same fight
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You feel more like roommates than partners
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One of you shuts down while the other pursues
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Intimacy has faded
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Conversations about openness, commitment, or the future feel impossible
You may still care deeply for each other. But something keeps repeating.
Why Gay Couples Often Need a Different Kind of Therapy
Gay couples don’t just navigate personality differences. You may also be navigating:
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Lack of healthy relationship role models growing up
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Fear of abandonment rooted in early rejection
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The tension between independence and closeness
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Shame that gets activated during conflict
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The pressure to define your own relationship structure
This means conflict isn’t always just about the surface issue.
It’s often about: safety, belonging & emotional exposure.
Common Reasons Gay Couples Seek Therapy
I often work with couples navigating:
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Repeating communication breakdowns
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Mismatched emotional needs
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Desire discrepancies
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Questions about monogamy vs openness
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Trust ruptures
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Emotional shutdown during conflict
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Attachment anxiety or avoidance
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Long-term compatibility concerns
My Approach Moves Beyond the Surface
My work focuses on helping couples:
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Understand the emotional pattern underneath conflict
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Build safety before solving problems
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Repair ruptures instead of avoiding them
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Communicate without triggering shame
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Clarify what each partner truly needs
I draw from:
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Attachment-based therapy
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EMDR-informed relational work
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Communication restructuring
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Insight-oriented exploration
The goal isn’t just fewer arguments. My role is to help both of you co-create a relationship that feels mutually satisfying.
Who I Work Best With
I primarily specialize in working with:
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Gay male couples
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LGBTQ+ partnerships
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Modern relationships exploring structure + intimacy
I work with Couples who:
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Want to grow — not just “win”
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Are open to looking beneath surface issues
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Want clarity, not just compromise
Real Outcomes
Couples therapy can help you:
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Break repetitive conflict cycles
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Rebuild emotional safety
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Restore intimacy
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Navigate openness intentionally
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Strengthen long-term compatibility
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Make thoughtful, respectful decisions about the future.
Most couples wait for a crisis.
But you don’t have to. Many of us hope that, in the “right” relationship, everything will unfold effortlessly. Often, it doesn’t. By doing the work now, you can prevent many relationship issues from arising in the first place. And if your problems have already piled up, we can address those too. In our sessions, I won’t just let you rehash the same arguments you’ve had at home. Together, we’ll uncover the root causes of your disconnection—and work to resolve them.
Whether you're trying to repair, reconnect, or gain clarity — therapy can help you move forward with intention instead of reactivity.
Learn More About Gay Relationships & Therapy
Frequently Asked Questions:
Do you specialize in gay couples therapy?
Yes. I specialize in working with gay male couples and LGBTQ+ partnerships. Many gay couples face relationship dynamics shaped by early identity experiences — such as rejection, invisibility, or a lack of role models for long-term partnership. These layers can show up in communication patterns, conflict cycles, intimacy struggles, or decisions around openness. My work is designed to support these unique relational experiences in a way that traditional couples therapy may not always address.
Do you only work with gay couples?
No — I work with all couples. However, I have particular expertise in supporting gay male relationships and modern partnerships navigating questions around intimacy, structure, and long-term compatibility.
What if one of us wants therapy more than the other?
This is very common. Often one partner reaches out first. Therapy can help create understanding around differing levels of readiness — without forcing either partner into a position they’re not prepared for.
Do you offer online couples therapy in California?
Yes. I offer virtual couples therapy sessions for clients located anywhere in California.
Can couples therapy help with intimacy issues, like mismatched sex drives?
Absolutely. The truth is, very few couples have identical sex drives—so let’s start by normalizing that. Erotic discrepancy is common. The goal in therapy isn’t to force you and your partner to become the same, but to understand each other’s unique sexual templates. From there, we work together to create a sex life that feels mutually satisfying, playful, and connected.
Can therapy help us figure out if we should stay together or break up?
Yes. My role as a couples therapist isn’t to make that decision for you, but to help you both clarify what you truly want. Sometimes that means strengthening the relationship and recommitting. Other times, it means realizing that parting ways may be the most respectful and caring choice. Either way, therapy offers a safe, structured space to explore what’s best for each of you.
Can therapy help us rebuild trust after infidelity or a major betrayal?
It can—and this is a common reason couples seek therapy. Betrayals, whether through infidelity or another significant breach of trust, are deeply painful. While we can’t undo the past, therapy can help you rebuild the relationship on a new foundation—one that is rooted in transparency, emotional honesty, and consistent commitment. These are the essential building blocks of trust.
How does attachment theory play into your couples therapy approach?
Attachment theory is central to how I work with couples. Our early relationships—typically with parents or caregivers—shape how we connect, trust, and respond to conflict as adults. Understanding these patterns helps couples see not just what they’re doing, but why. I believe attachment dynamics are often the key to lasting relationship change.
What if one of us is hesitant about therapy—how do we get started?
We begin with a free consultation. I’ll meet with both of you, listen to your individual perspectives, and learn about your goals for therapy. There’s no pressure to commit right away—or at all. Like any form of therapy, the process should feel collaborative, safe, and comfortable. We take things one step at a time, always prioritizing your shared comfort and readiness.
Book Recommendations
Some couples find it helpful to deepen their understanding of relational patterns between sessions.
These are books I often recommend to support the work we do in therapy.
ATTACHED
MATING IN CAPTIVITY
NO BAD PARTS
Individual & Relational Growth
While couples therapy focuses on the relationship itself, some clients also pursue individual work through: