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Writer's pictureMichael Pezzullo

Gay Men and Self-Worth

Updated: Oct 16

We all struggle with self-worth. Cultivating self-esteem is a task everyone must undertake—not just gay men. However, gay men often face unique challenges in this area. While we can speculate on the reasons, many of us grew up internalizing the idea that we were "wrong" or "defective" according to society’s heteronormative standards. Some may have even faced rejection from their families of origin. Regardless of the path that brought us here, a crucial part of the work we do is finding a sense of self. Here are a few tips to help along the way.



Befriend the Part You DislikeMost of us have parts of ourselves that we struggle to accept or even hate. Our instinct is often to try to get rid of or suppress these parts. But this only diminishes our self-worth. Counterintuitive as it may seem, to build self-worth, you need to befriend that part of yourself. For example, if you once struggled with addiction, what if you learned to show compassion toward the part of you that was addicted?


Stop Comparing and DespairingWe all do it—compare ourselves to others. It's a natural instinct rooted in our biological drive to fit in with our peers; after all, there's a greater chance of survival in a herd. But this comparison often goes too far. We become consumed with jealousy when we see someone more successful, more attractive, or wealthier. And where does that lead us? Nowhere. It causes us to lose sight of what we already have and allows gratitude to fade away.


Embrace Your Authentic SelfI know this sounds cliché, but it’s true: the only path to self-worth is self-acceptance. You need to accept—and, more importantly, celebrate—your authentic self. That means it's time to drop the personas and let go of personal PR. If you aren’t truly being yourself, you're constantly sending yourself the message that you are not enough. Embracing your true self is the only way to find peace and contentment. Working with a gay therapist can be essential in this process as well. Gay men face certain challenges that someone outside the community may not fully understand gay men.

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