Why Are Gay Influencers Dying by Suicide? A Therapist Unpacks A Hidden Crisis Among Gay Men

Michael Pezzullo
3 days ago
4 min read

Updated: 1 day ago

Why Are Gay Influencers Dying by Suicide? A Therapist Unpacks A Hidden Crisis

We’re going to talk about a heavy topic: suicide.

In recent years, several highly visible gay men — influencers, creators, and public figures — have been lost to suicide. These include young men like Chad Spodick, Jeff Thomas and Chris O-Donnell. Many of them appeared happy, successful, admired, and socially connected.

From the outside, their lives looked enviable. But they weren’t immune to pain.

So what is really happening? And what does this pattern reveal about mental health, identity, and emotional isolation in gay men? More importantly, what does it tell us about suicide risk in the gay community?

Suicide and Mental Health in Gay Men: What the Data Shows

Research consistently shows that gay men experience higher rates of depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and suicide attempts compared with straight men.

Public attention often focuses on LGBTQ youth, especially because adolescence is a time when bullying, rejection, and family conflict are most intense. The largest gap in suicidal ideation occurs between ages 14 and 18.

But the recent deaths we are seeing involve adults. Which raises an important question: Why does suicide remain a risk for gay men long after coming out, building careers, and achieving social success? Statistics identify risk — but they do not explain the emotional experience behind it.

Out, Visible — and Still Disconnected

Many gay men grow up with fractured or complicated family relationships. Some are rejected. Others are tolerated but not emotionally supported. Many build independence early, often at the cost of deep attachment.

As adults, some gay men remain unpartnered, child-free, or socially mobile in ways that limit long-term emotional stability.

We already know that straight men face higher suicide risk after divorce. Emotional disconnection is one of the strongest predictors of suicide in men overall. For gay men, that disconnection often begins earlier and lasts longer.

Why Appearance Can Hide Pain

In gay male culture, attractiveness, success, and visibility are often treated as protection.

But these same qualities can also isolate.

When someone looks confident, admired, and accomplished, people assume they are emotionally safe. They are less likely to be checked on. Less likely to be asked how they are really doing.

Many gay men struggle in silence while performing wellness for others.

The better the image, the harder it becomes to admit vulnerability.

Talking About Mental Health Is Not the Same as Treating It

Several of the gay men we have lost were open about their mental health. That matters. Reducing stigma matters. But openness is not treatment.

Depression, anxiety, and trauma are medical and psychological conditions. They require ongoing care, not only conversation.

Social media can sometimes create the illusion of healing when symptoms are simply being narrated instead of treated. This misunderstanding plays a quiet but dangerous role in suicide risk among gay men.

What Treatment for Depression Actually Looks Like

Effective treatment for depression — especially chronic or recurrent depression — often includes:

Medication management with careful monitoring
Ongoing therapy focused on mood stability
Trauma-informed care addressing identity, shame, and attachment
Skill building for emotional regulation
Long-term support rather than short-term fixes

Symptoms can improve and later return. This is why depression can feel deceptive — both to the person experiencing it and to those around them.

Many gay men describe their struggles as “behind them,” when in reality the condition has simply gone dormant.

The Identity Pressure Gay Men Carry

Gay men often live under subtle emotional expectations:

To appear strong
To appear successful
To represent progress
To be resilient
To be grateful

When you are visible or admired, admitting pain can feel like failure.

This pressure contributes to silence, isolation, and delayed treatment — all of which increase suicide risk.

Why Suicide Among Gay Men Is Still Misunderstood

One of the biggest misconceptions is that social acceptance alone heals emotional wounds. Progress matters. Visibility matters. Legal rights matter. But emotional trauma does not disappear simply because society changes.

Many gay men still carry:

Childhood shame
Religious trauma
Bullying experiences
Identity conflict
Fear of rejection
Attachment wounds

Without treatment, these experiences remain active beneath the surface.

What Actually Helps Prevent Suicide in Gay Men

Prevention is not about slogans. It is about systems.

Real protection includes:

Early emotional education for boys
Family acceptance
Trauma-informed therapy access
Long-term mental health care
Community spaces that value vulnerability
Reducing shame around needing help

Suicide among gay men is not inevitable. It is preventable when pain is met with care, connection, and professional support.

Getting Help

If you are struggling, please know this:

You are not broken. You are not weak. You are not behind. You are not alone.

If you are in the United States, you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you are outside the U.S., your local health services can guide you to support resources.

Talk to someone. Talk to a therapist. Talk to anyone.

Do not wait.

Gay men deserve not only visibility — but emotional safety, care, and healing. And as always, I am here to help in any way that I can. If you’d like to learn more about my practice, you can book a complementary consultation. You can also read more about my psychotherapy work with gay men.