Reeling from the Election? How Gay Men can process Trump's Win

Many people are reeling from the election this past week. A lot of gay men and LGBTQ folks are fearful of another Trump presidency. So far, Trump has taken aim at the trans community in particular. On the other hand, gay men have largely been left alone by Trump. But many fear our rights could soon be in jeopardy. There’s particular concern that our right to marry will be stripped away, especially with conservatives lining the Supreme Court.

Those who voted for Kamala Harris, both within and outside the LGBTQ community, have been left feeling a sense of unease. So what do we do? I’ve been talking with people all week about this (as I’m sure we all have). Here are a few of my thoughts.

You don’t have to fight.

A lot of people are fired up, and rightly so. They may want to protest, write letters to Congress—whatever makes them feel better. That’s great. If you want to do that, go for it. If you want to take charge, do it. But that doesn’t mean you have to. In fact, you don’t have to do anything at all. You don’t have to turn your feelings into action. You’re allowed to just feel. You’re allowed to just... do nothing. Maybe somewhere down the line, you’ll feel motivated to get involved in something. Or maybe not. That’s fine too. Some people may challenge you, but not everyone wants to enter the political battlefield. And even if they do, many feel they’ll just exhaust themselves without accomplishing anything.

You don’t have to hate the other side.

Just because you don’t like Trump doesn’t mean you have to vilify all of his supporters. After all, a significant portion of the country did vote for him. Sure, some of his supporters are extremely problematic. But we know that many aren’t. It seems like a lot of people simply vote for the candidate they think will address their most basic needs (like shelter and security), even if it means overlooking social policies. Some of those people may be your friends or even family. I’ve seen many memes suggesting cutting Trump-supporting family members out of your life. If that makes you feel safe and sets an important boundary, go for it. But you don’t have to. You can coexist with people you love but disagree with politically. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

You can have hope.

There’s a lot of doomsday rhetoric right now, with many predicting the next four years (or more) will be painful. They may be right; there’s plenty to be concerned about. But that doesn’t mean you have to join in their anxiety. It’s okay if you still have hope for the future. In fact, hope and concern can coexist. We waste so much time predicting the future of our political landscape and social policies. The truth is, none of us can foresee what’s coming next. Fifteen years ago, no one would have predicted that reality TV star Donald Trump would be elected president—not once but twice. Maybe you’re planning a wedding in the next couple of years, or to start a family or buy a home. These are all important life milestones that you should celebrate. We don’t want our president to steal all our joy.

I, for one, want to be optimistic about our country—regardless of who is president. It’s time for us, the people, to come together and find our common ground again. As a gay therapist in a very liberal area, I realize my perspective is narrow. But I truly believe what unites us will always be greater than what divides us.