I'm a Therapist—Here's the Problem with Sex Positivity Movement

Liberation is a beautiful thing. As human beings, we deserve the freedom to express ourselves—our thoughts, our identities, and yes, our sexualities. This kind of freedom is essential for human flourishing. However, as with all freedoms, it comes with responsibilities. We should be free to express ourselves sexually, but this freedom must coexist with respect for ourselves and others. As empowering as sex positivity is meant to be, it’s worth asking: Can sex positivity sometimes be used to condone or even encourage unhealthy sexual behavior? As a therapist working primarily in the LGBT community, here's my perspective on the sex positive movement.

What Does "Sex Positive" Really Mean?

In its ideal form, being sex positive means adopting a non-shaming, open-minded approach to sex. It’s a philosophy that seeks to normalize sexual desire and diversity, and it often advocates for inclusivity, especially for those who engage in non-heteronormative, non-monogamous, or non-traditional sexual practices. This is incredibly valuable, especially in a world that has long stigmatized or punished people for their sexual identities. Sexuality is a deeply significant part of the human experience—it influences our relationships, our sense of self, and even our mental and emotional well-being. It’s something we should feel empowered to explore, celebrate, and understand.

However, sex positivity is often misunderstood. In some cases, it can become a kind of blanket endorsement of all sexual behavior, without any critical reflection. But not all sexual experiences are inherently healthy. A truly sex-positive outlook should leave room for discernment, reflection, and growth.

Curiosity vs. Affirmation

The truth is, sex can be dangerous. It can be emotionally complicated, physically risky, and psychologically charged. So it’s important that we resist the urge to affirm every sexual practice or desire without thoughtful consideration. Curiosity is a natural part of being human, and it should be encouraged. However, curiosity doesn't always have to lead to affirmation or participation. Just because we are interested in something doesn’t mean it’s necessarily right for us—or healthy in general.

Importantly, choosing not to affirm or engage in a particular sexual behavior is not the same as shaming it. There's a crucial distinction between judgment and discernment. The former involves casting blame or moral condemnation, while the latter is about understanding, evaluation, and care. We need spaces where these conversations can happen openly, without shame but also without blind affirmation.

Reenacting Trauma

Another reason for caution is the link between trauma and sexual behavior. Research shows that individuals who have experienced sexual abuse, neglect, or other forms of trauma often engage in sexual experiences that mirror or echo their past pain. This isn’t always the case, of course, but the pattern is well-documented. People may find themselves drawn to sexual experiences that are painful, degrading, or risky—not because they truly enjoy them, but because they are subconsciously reenacting a past wound.

This doesn’t mean that practices like BDSM are inherently unhealthy or wrong. In many cases, such practices can be consensual, empowering, and healing. But intent and awareness matter. It’s possible—and sadly not uncommon—for people to unknowingly re-traumatize themselves under the guise of exploration or empowerment. When this happens, sex positivity can be misused to validate patterns that are actually rooted in unresolved trauma.

A Therapist's Perspective on Sex Positivity

Speaking from a therapeutic standpoint, sex is both natural and healthy. We should absolutely push back against puritanical or restrictive cultural norms that breed shame and repression. People deserve to feel safe and empowered in their sexual identities. But true empowerment also includes the ability to self-reflect, to say no, to change your mind, and to question what drives your desires.

Someone who truly cares about your well-being will not simply validate everything you say or do. Real care involves honest, sometimes uncomfortable conversations. It means asking hard questions like: Where is this desire coming from? Is this behavior bringing you closer to your authentic self or pulling you away from it? In a world that often confuses acceptance with endorsement, offering this kind of feedback takes courage—and love.

Ultimately, the goal should be to define what healthy sexuality looks like for you. This will be different for everyone, and that’s okay. Health doesn’t mean conforming to a specific mold; it means engaging in behaviors that are rooted in self-respect, informed consent, emotional well-being, and authentic connection. When sex positivity is practiced with awareness and compassion, it can be a powerful tool for growth and healing. But it should never be used as a shield to protect behaviors that may be doing more harm than good.

Book A Free Call