HOW CAN I BE GAY AND SOBER

Gay men and sobriety were once two things that seemed antithetical. The gay lifestyle is rife with partying, which almost always includes drinking and drugs. So, how it is possible to enjoy being a gay man while being sober? How will I navigate social events? How will I have sex? Won’t life become stale, unexciting, and sexless?

Sober doesn’t mean the same thing for everyone.

Sobriety was once an experience exclusive to those who had once been hardcore addicts. Now, our climate around substance use and addiction is much different. These days, many people make a conscious decision that substances are destructive to their physical and mental well-being. It’s a healthy lifestyle that many are embracing because they have had one too many bad trips, bad hangovers, or just bad experiences in general.

Sober sex is different.

Drugs can make sex feel incredible—even when it’s not. Sober sex means being fully present to what’s actually happening, rather than whatever experience the drug is artificially creating for you. If you don’t like it, you’re going to be aware that you don’t. But if you do, you’ll be very aware of that as well. Being present and fully aware can lead to deeper connections and more satisfying experiences.

Sobriety is a new awareness.

Being sober doesn’t just mean being physically abstinent. There is a deeper sense of awareness that comes with it. I got sober at 24, so the majority of my adult life as a gay man has been experienced through a sober mindset. What I can say is that you just know yourself much more. You are practiced in being fully present with your lived experience. You’re accustomed to dealing with what’s happening to you, rather than trying to escape it. With that, most sober folks I’ve encountered, develop a certain sense of self-confidence that not everyone has.