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As we all know, Donald Trump was elected president just a few weeks ago. For many, this came as a shock. Gay men, in particular, have become quite anxious about Trump's upcoming term. Here’s what I think is driving this collective dread, and how I believe we can best cope with it.
Our History with the Republican Party
Generally speaking, gay men and the Republican Party do not have the best history. Historically, conservatives have often fallen on the wrong side of LGBT rights. As a result, gay men often feel a natural inclination toward the Democratic Party. So, anytime Republicans take office, gay men may experience some form of automatic fear. Many of us assume that Republican candidates are homophobic, and unless they state explicitly otherwise, we tend to be wary. While it may not be fair to judge someone solely based on their political party, I think this is a common reaction for gay men—and other marginalized groups.
Marriage Equality
Before Trump even takes office, many are speculating that he will roll back LGBT rights. The most pressing issue on the chopping block: marriage equality. Marriage equality was legalized less than a decade ago, in 2015. Luckily, Trump has not explicitly stated that he plans to strike down this ruling. But there is one big caveat: Trump previously appointed a very conservative Supreme Court. With the recent overturning of abortion rights, many are concerned that gay marriage will be next. In fact, some attorneys are already advising gay men to obtain additional powers of attorney and set up separate wills, as if the dissolution of gay marriage is inevitable.
A Step Backward?
But keep in mind, not all hope is lost. Even if marriage equality is abolished, gay marriage will continue to be legal in most states. However, this would still signify a huge step in the wrong direction. After decades of fighting for equal rights, no gay man wants to see our country taking steps backward. We fought too hard for equality to let it slip through our fingers so quickly. Gay marriage isn’t just about marriage; it’s symbolic of basic human rights—of gay men being recognized as fully valid and celebrated citizens.
Doomsday Predicting
Worry is not power. To borrow one of my favorite quotes: “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow; it only saps today of its joy.” It’s human nature to worry, but keep in mind that we often spend a lot of time predicting the worst outcomes. This leads to confirmation bias: scanning for evidence that confirms your doomsday hypothesis and ignoring evidence that is hopeful. Most Americans are actually quite moderate. Sure, there are extremists on both sides (the people the media loves to highlight), but generally speaking, most of us fall into a moderate group. So while it may seem like it’s “us against them,” I think that’s an oversimplification. Most importantly, most Americans are not anti-gay. It’s not all black and white. There are good and bad people on both sides (Democrats and conservatives). There is some bad in the best of us, and some good in the worst of us. Yes, even Trump has done some good. Remember not to fall into all-or-nothing thinking; find the shades of gray. There may be certain positions this administration takes that you agree with, even though you may denounce the majority.
Gay Men and Donald Trump’s Next Term
Like it or not, Trump will take office again in 2025. So, we’ll have to find a way to make the most of these next four years. Who knows? Maybe we’ll find ourselves thriving much more than we think. My advice: don’t let this politician (or any politician, for that matter) steal your joy. You don’t have to give them that power. What we’re faced with is tolerating an unknown future. While some may propose theories about what the future holds, the truth is that none of us know for sure. For now, we can take comfort in our community. Connect with people who understand you and see your perspective. The most healing thing is to know you’re not alone. The truth is, millions of people share your beliefs and your feelings. Remember to go where the love is.
You can learn more about my psychotherapy work with gay men here.
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