Therapy or Coaching? How Gay Men Can Find The Right Mental Health Provider

A lot of gay men seeking help don’t know where to go. They are vaguely aware of different resources but often don’t know which tool is right for them. In this week’s episode of Gay Men Going Deeper, I chat with gay wellness coach Michael Diiorio to break down the differences between therapy and coaching. We explain how each method can be successfully utilized specifically for gay men working on their mental health.

Why Do People Go to Therapy?

People seek therapy when they’ve tried to solve something on their own or with their existing resources and haven’t been able to. However, that’s not always the case. Many individuals don’t necessarily come to therapy to solve a “problem”; sometimes they aren’t even sure what the problem is yet. As they get to know themselves better, their goals can change, making it a moving target. Coaching, on the other hand, is often very goal-oriented. If there’s no clear goal, coaching may not be indicated. Coaches sometimes feel that therapy focuses too much on the past, lacking an emphasis on real, tangible change.

Therapy Comes in Many Styles

There is a general impression that therapy is unstructured, sometimes lacking focus and going on indefinitely. While this can be true, it’s important to remember that some therapeutic approaches are extremely goal-oriented, where the therapist takes a direct approach. Two modalities that exemplify this are cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). In both, the therapist will often assign homework in a didactic manner.

Benefits of Both

If one can afford it, I believe combining coaching and therapy is fantastic. I don’t think one provider can effectively fulfill both roles simultaneously. If a therapist suddenly decides to take on a coaching role, it could disrupt the therapeutic process and create confusion in the existing dynamic. It’s valuable for providers to stay within their scope of practice and collaborate rather than stretch their boundaries. Sober coaches and executive coaches can be excellent complements to psychotherapists.

Gay Men and Mental Health

I empathize with how difficult it can be not only to seek help but also to find the right kind of help. When I first sought therapy in college, I felt overwhelmed by where to go, whom to talk to, and how to determine which person was right for me. Choosing a coach or a therapist is a leap of faith; you have to trust someone and enter into a vulnerable relationship with them. That said, you can be as discerning as possible to find the right fit for you.

To hear the full conversation, check out this episode of the Gay Men Going Deeper Podcast on YouTube and Apple Podcasts. You can also learn more about my psychotherapy work with gay men here.