Gay Porn: Healthy Habit or Addiction? A Psychotherapist Explains When Men Should Be Concerned

We can be honest: we all watch porn. Most discovered porn at some point during adolescence and eventually developed a pretty regular habit. And for good reason. Porn is very arousing. And these days, you can find pretty much any sexual fantasy you can imagine depicted in porn. But many of us question: how much is "too much" porn? And can gay porn, like any other vice, eventually become an addiction?

What is Porn?

We can all agree that videos of men having oral or penetrative sex are considered porn. But in today’s culture of social media, there are many other content areas to consider. Thirst traps? Nudes? Or what about sexual messages you might find in your DMs? Are these considered porn as well? If you find yourself getting aroused, then I’d say yes. You are consuming content that is stimulating you sexually. I think we can all agree that in today’s culture, we are bombarded with sexual imagery even if we don’t seek it out. Folks in recovery from porn addiction often have to stay off social media altogether, as it’s almost impossible to avoid some sort of pornographic content.

Why is Gay Porn Addiction?

Porn addiction is not technically a diagnosable disorder in the DSM. But that doesn’t mean it’s not troublesome for a lot of gay men. Porn triggers the release of chemicals in your brain that feel pleasurable, with the most critical chemical being dopamine. Dopamine serves an important biological purpose; it creates a motivation system, signaling the message, “do it again.” The problem is that, just like with any other drug, we begin to build a tolerance. Pretty quickly, we don’t get the initial high anymore. While you cannot build a physical dependence on porn like you can with substances like opioids and alcohol, you can build a tolerance. So, if you watch too much porn, you’ll find that you need more to get stimulated—more intensity, more bodies, more scenarios, more sex, more novelty, more of everything.

Porn is the #1 Cause of ED in Young Gay Men

You heard that right. For many guys, just learning that bit of information is enough to stop their porn use for a while. Essentially, what happens is your brain becomes accustomed to being aroused by visual stimuli rather than physical touch. So while your penis may function extremely well while masturbating to porn, you can easily find yourself having difficulty getting an erection or orgasming during sex. Talk to your local urologist, and they’ll tell you that more and more men in their 20s are seeking treatment for ED, even though they have no physiological conditions that could interfere with their sexual functioning.

So what should you do if you think you have a problem?

First, you want to get an accurate assessment of your habits. Most guys will dramatically underestimate their porn consumption if you ask them out of the blue. They’ll say they watch 20 minutes twice a week when, in reality, it's closer to 3 hours over four days. To gather some objective data, take a week or so to track how much and how often you watch porn. Do this without changing your habits so you can get an accurate picture. Most guys are surprised by just how much porn they consume—particularly if they count time spent scrolling through nearly-naked men on Instagram.

Consider a Porn Detox

To start, I often suggest to clients that they take a break from porn—a porn detox. This doesn’t mean they can’t have sex. In fact, you may find yourself having more sex. The idea is to retrain your brain to respond to physical touch rather than visual stimuli. You can start with mindful masturbation, which is essentially masturbating without any visual stimuli. Instead, focus on physical sensations. Think back to the early days when you had to masturbate without porn—the old-fashioned way—and you get the idea.

Therapy for Porn Addiction

If you’ve tried to stop or decrease on your own and find that you can’t, consider seeking help. To treat this issue, in particular, you’ll want to choose a therapist who specializes in porn consumption among gay men. Most therapists do not have expertise in this area, so choose wisely. Make sure to confirm ahead of time that they can help you with this specific problem. It’s also essential to get an evaluation from a doctor—specifically a urologist. They can assess any medical factors that might interfere with sexual functioning, such as low testosterone.

You can learn more about treatment for addictive behaviors here and therapy for gay men here.