EMDR Therapy for Gay Men: Using Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing to Heal Trauma

If you haven’t heard of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), it’s time to learn about it. Many people know that simply talking about trauma in therapy doesn’t always lead to healing. EMDR offers a unique approach that traditional therapies often lack. It’s an effective modality for addressing various types of trauma, which is imperative when working with gay men. As we know, gay men are more likely to experience many traumatic experiences, such as social discrimination, sexual violence, and more. So how can EMDR be tailored to meet the specific needs of gay men? Below, I’ll explain how EMDR can address our unique traumas and challenges.

Sexual Trauma

Research indicates that gay men are more likely than straight men to experience sexual assault—both in adulthood and in childhood. Left untreated, this trauma can result in substance abuse, depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts. While EMDR is an excellent tool for treating sexual trauma, finding a therapist who specializes in both gay-affirmative therapy and EMDR can be challenging. As a result, many gay men who seek therapy for sexual trauma are not afforded access to EMDR in tandem.

Changing Negative Thinking

EMDR is not solely a trauma protocol; it can also be effective for a variety of other issues. For example: while many people struggle with insecurity, for gay men, negative self-talk can be particularly damaging. Most gay men can recall specific memories from their adolescence when they were shamed for being too feminine or “gay-acting.” These traumatic moments cemented negative belief systems that persist into adulthood. EMDR can help us reframe these unhealthy belief systems, which are often rooted in early memories of rejection or shame, especially related to being our authentic selves.

EMDR for Erectile Dysfunction

It may surprise you to learn that EMDR can also be beneficial for issues like erectile dysfunction (ED), which gay men, like all men, can experience. When a man experiences ED, feelings of inadequacy and anxiety often follow. Then, these crippling feelings linger and sabotage future sexual encounters, thus creating a vicious cycle. EMDR can help men replace negative beliefs with positive ones to build sexual confidence. And, EMDR can combat internalized homophobia--a shame-based belief system that can also interfere with sexual functioning.

Building Confidence for Gay Men

In EMDR, we focus not only on the past but also on the present. One of the key phases of EMDR, known as resourcing, can be especially empowering for gay men. This process involves developing inner strength through visualization. For example, you might envision an “ideal parent” based on a favorite movie or a fictional character you create. Unfortunately, not all gay men have strong relationships with their families of origin, so this technique can be particularly impactful. EMDR can also help reinforce the idea of a chosen family, providing additional support.

EMDR Therapy for Gay Men

As with any trauma therapy, establishing safety is the first step. Be sure to choose a therapist with whom you feel safe before beginning the process. You can incorporate EMDR into ongoing psychotherapy, or you can seek out EMDR treatment specifically. To learn more about EMDR, you can read more about the modality here. You can also check out my demo video to learn about the “tapping in” technique.