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Watching someone you love struggle with addiction can be an incredibly painful experience. Whether the addiction is to alcohol, substances, or even a compulsive behavior, seeing a loved one in distress can leave you feeling helpless, uncertain, and unsure of how best to help. You may want to step in and offer assistance, but you’re unsure of the right approach—or even whether it’s appropriate for you to get involved at all. While some people adopt a very harsh stance toward those struggling with substance use, others take a more permissive and sympathetic approach. As a Los Angeles addiction therapist, I’m here to offer guidance on how you can help your loved one struggling with alcohol or substance use.
What is Addiction?
Understanding what addiction is can be complicated. There isn’t one singular definition, but addiction is typically characterized by a compulsive engagement in a behavior or the use of a substance, despite the negative consequences that may result. While there are several competing models and paradigms for addiction, there are a few key indicators I look for when diagnosing addiction. These include:
Physical dependence – When your body becomes accustomed to a substance or behavior and starts requiring it to function normally.
Withdrawal – The onset of physical or emotional symptoms when you stop using a substance or engaging in a behavior.
Consequences – Negative effects on physical health, relationships, and overall functioning, yet continuing the behavior despite these consequences.
Inability to stop – The inability to reduce or quit the behavior or substance, even when you have the desire to do so.
Addiction is more than just a bad habit. It is a chronic condition that requires proper treatment, support, and understanding.
When Should I Be Concerned?
Addiction can sometimes be difficult to identify, especially when the substances or behaviors involved don’t seem immediately harmful. Not all substances or behaviors are equally dangerous, so it’s important to assess the level of concern you should have for your loved one. In some cases, you may be more concerned than necessary, while in other cases, you may be underestimating the severity of the situation. Below are some key warning signs that should increase your level of concern:
Most Dangerous Addictions:
Dependence on sedatives – Sedatives, such as benzodiazepines, are highly addictive and can be life-threatening when abused.
Daily alcohol use – Drinking alcohol every day, particularly in large quantities, can lead to severe physical dependence and health problems.
Opioid use – Prescription painkillers, heroin, and other opioids are incredibly addictive and often lead to overdose or death.
Fentanyl lacing – Fentanyl is a potent opioid often laced into other drugs, leading to unintentional overdose and death.
IV drug use – Intravenous drug use carries additional risks, including infection and overdose.
Risk of psychosis – Drug use can sometimes lead to severe mental health symptoms, such as psychosis, paranoia, or hallucinations, which can be dangerous for both the user and others around them.
If you notice any of these signs in your loved one, it’s crucial to act quickly and seek professional help.
What Do I Say?
If you’re concerned about your loved one’s addiction, approaching them with care, compassion, and clarity is essential. It can be difficult to know how to talk to someone about their addiction, but you want to make sure that your message is clear and that your loved one feels safe and supported. Here’s how you can begin the conversation:
Demonstrate clear concern – Let them know that you are genuinely worried about their well-being. Avoid sugarcoating or minimizing the issue.
Be direct – Don’t leave anything open to interpretation. Be straightforward, and express your concerns in a way that’s easy to understand.
Convey non-judgment and empathy – Your loved one may already feel shame or guilt about their addiction. It’s crucial that they feel your empathy and non-judgment.
Keep it simple – Avoid overwhelming them with too much information. Sometimes, less is more. Keep your message clear and concise.
An example of what you might say could be something like, “I see that you have a problem, and I’m really concerned about you. I want to help, and I’m here for you if you need it. Would you like my help?” Keep in mind that their response is not something you can control. Your role is simply to offer your support and make it clear that you are there for them.
More Than Meets the Eye
While addiction is a significant issue on its own, it’s important to recognize that addiction often co-occurs with other mental health conditions. In fact, the majority of individuals who struggle with substance use also meet the diagnostic criteria for another mental health disorder. These conditions can complicate addiction, making treatment even more important. Some of the most common co-occurring mental health conditions include:
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
Anxiety Disorders
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
It’s important to remember that you are not expected to diagnose or treat these conditions. However, it’s crucial to be aware that addiction may not be the only issue your loved one is facing. The presence of other mental health challenges can impact how they experience and respond to addiction, so being understanding of their broader struggles is key.
Finding Addiction Treatment Resources
Once your loved one is open to seeking help, it’s time to provide them with the resources they need to begin their recovery journey. Navigating the world of addiction treatment can be overwhelming, but it’s important to take it one step at a time.
The first step is to reach out to a local addiction therapist for a comprehensive assessment. Addiction professionals can help determine the level of care needed, whether that’s outpatient therapy, inpatient rehabilitation, or another type of intervention. It’s important not to try to make these decisions on your own. Work with a therapist who specializes in addiction to ensure that your loved one receives the best possible care.
If They’re Resistant
This is often the most difficult aspect of helping a loved one with addiction. Unfortunately, many individuals with substance use disorders are resistant to seeking help, whether due to denial, fear, or shame. If your loved one is not ready to accept your offer of help, it’s important to accept that you cannot force them to change. This can be incredibly painful, but you must recognize that their recovery is ultimately in their hands.
However, just because they resist help now doesn’t mean they always will. Let them know that you are there for them whenever they are ready to seek assistance. Remain supportive without enabling their behavior, and be patient as they work through their own internal struggles.
A Los Angeles Addiction Therapist's Perspective
Addiction is a disease, not a moral failing. It’s crucial to remember that the person you love is not choosing to suffer, but is struggling with a powerful and complex condition. As you try to help them, approach the situation with empathy and understanding. While you may not be able to fix the problem on your own, you can be a crucial source of support, compassion, and guidance. By reaching out, offering your help, and directing them to the right resources, you may be planting the seeds for future recovery. Even if they’re not ready to get help now, they may be later, and your support could make all the difference in their journey toward healing.
If you need support, you can book a complementary consultation with me. You can also read more about my approach to both alcohol use and substance use.
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